Regret
by Shaeric Draconis
Summary: Shounenai ? x ? pairing: TWT Quatre regrets a mistake he made and his dark thoughts.


**Disclaimers**: I do not own the characters of Gundam Wing. This story is from **my** head and there is no way that they would even think of doing this with their characters, and I'm not making any money out of this story or any other story I write.

**Genre**: TWT, Angst, One shot

**Warning**: Shounen-ai, Regret Fic…not a happy ending for Quatre so be warned

**Pairing**: ? x ?

**Rating**: G

**Author**: Shaeric Draconis

**Author's Note**: I wish to thank **Trasgapoca** for her excellent beta work on my story and her patience as she tries to explain things to me. I'm not really bright when it comes to grammar /sweatdrops/

This piece was written for the 1x2ML because of the many excellent authors there and how I haven't been able to review their stories because of my job, health and RL.

I decided to pick someone else to regret and let my darling Duo have a rest. Also for those who are still waiting for the next chapter to 'The Unwanted' give me two more weeks and I will have a chapter ready for you.

* * *

**Regret**

I had a dream about you last night, and all the buried feelings of regret I had for you came back to resurface once again like a tidal wave.

I had it all there given to me on a golden platter and I didn't even know what I was being offered until it was gone.

You see I had to be faithful to the boy that I thought I wanted in my life, the boy I thought that I loved with a consuming passion that to be away from him would be torture for me…

So I shied away from you and gently sent you away looking so lost and betrayed.

I didn't care then, I was too wrapped up in the boy I wanted then, a boy who was silent and so damn mysterious that I wanted him and if you know what I'm like, what I want, I always get. So with bloody mindedness I went after him and I got him and refused to let anything get in my way.

Even you…

But at nights, I would wake up sweating, my body yearning and aching for an elusive dream of a mysterious love and it wasn't until months later that I realised it was you.

I have regretted my decision ever since and though we see each other you never get too close to me and only nod at me like I was just an acquaintance.

It hurts and only makes me regret even more because…

I want you…

Oh God how I want you.

I want you to bury yourself deep inside of me and make me forget the foolish mistake I made two years ago…

But you're with him now. You went straight to him after you told me you had feelings for me. You practically ran to him, and he was there with his arms opened in friendship, not sure himself what he thought of you.

But being who he was, he just smiled pushing his own feelings aside to accommodate yours and gave you what you wanted. You surprised him and me when you went to him, especially how you treated him when you first met.

I was hurt that you moved on to someone else so soon, after telling me you had these feelings for me…

So now I watch you as you hold him in your arms with a possessive grip that says quite clearly that he is yours. I feel envy and malicious spite that it could have been me in your loving arms; me who would turn up and look deep in your eyes as you lower your face to kiss him.

I hate him….

I hate him because he has you…

I hate him because he accepted you for what you are and didn't care anyway.

I hate him because he realised what you were worth and what you were offering and never regretted his decision once.

I hate him because he now owns what could have been all mine…

Your heart…your trust…your devotion…your love…

So if I look at him with dark envy, don't hold it against me. If I look at you with hope, don't hold it against me but I have to know once and for all if you still carry feelings for me. Call me selfish, call me egotistical, I don't care; I want you…I need you and I have to at least try just once because I'm tired of suffering with this in silence. Tired of regretting the biggest mistake this Winner has ever made.

I look at your lover and he stares right through me…

Right in to my soul and his beautiful eyes tell me he knows what I'm thinking…feeling…how I'm suffering…

Quite ironic really considering I'm the one with the space heart…

God how I hate him…

The pain is clawing deep inside of me but the jealously slices through me callously that I can actually feel each cut…each strike, the blood bleeding within me…

I watch as he turns to you, tiptoeing to whisper in your ear and I watch fascinated as you raise your perfect eyebrow in puzzlement. Your eyes looking at me like steel and turning back to your lover you nod once then bend and kiss him passionately.

I want to be sick as your tongue enters his mouth to wrap around his possessively…hungrily…lovingly…

You pull back caressing his face with your strong hands, and he smiles and nods then looks at me with kindness…

I watch as he walks away leaving us alone, the voices of others talking all around us but I can't see anything, hear anything but you. I can see wariness in your eyes yet you still manage to stand tall and wait silently.

We both know that it has to be settled once and for all. Where do I begin? Where do I end? I walk closer to you; just to be in your presence makes my senses stir.

I take in your broad shoulders, shoulders that could have been mine to lean on, cry on. My eyes appraise your strong arms encased in a black woollen jumper, the powerful and strong arms that could bend steel and yet they held your lover so gently like he was made of the finest china.

Your slender trim waist and hips down to your long legs wrapped in black silk slacks. This could have been all mine, should have been mine…

I whisper your name…

"_Heero_…"

And I watch your face intently and a stab of pain across my chest hitches my breath. Your face is impassive but your eyes glitters with emotions that only bring me sorrow…

Pity…sadness…

How dare you feel pity and sadness for me. It wasn't I who laid out my feelings buried deep within; it was you who came to me baring your soul, your emotions…

And you look at me with sadness…

With pity…

I tremble as you speak, your deep voice thrumming through my body, full of certainty…confidence…

"I told you I had feelings for you once Quatre and you turned me away…"

I watch you hesitate as you search for the words that will make me or break me. I stop breathing waiting in anticipation not realising how much I want you, how much this will hurt if you don't want me back in return…

Then the blow strikes as you smile softly, his name falling from your lips like it was the most precious sound you have ever heard…

"_Duo_…"

How I hate him, his very name making the hatred burn even brighter within me like a roaring fire…

"If you hadn't turned me away I would have never have known how much Duo really meant to me. I want to thank you for that Quatre. I want to thank you for realising that what I felt for you was nothing but infatuation."

I stiffen as you quickly hug me and release me, your cheek touching my cheek in friendship.

Duo has changed you a lot I see, and though I don't wish to admit it, it is a change for the better…

I still wish him dead…

Because I'm dying inside, dying and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I have to put on a brave face, have to let you know that yes I had made the right decision.

Whoever says that the Winner takes it all should be strung up by the neck and kept there struggling until dead!

So I smile hoping that it reaches my eyes and say the words that almost choke me. "I'm glad you are happy with him Heero, very happy for you."

God I think I'm going to be sick, and if you don't leave me soon I'm going to snap…

You nod. "Thank you Quatre I am very happy with him, this means a lot to me."

I watch darkly as you walk away almost running back to him as he waits for you with confidence and trust, his beautiful face glowing for you, love shining brightly out of his eyes. But the moment you wrap your arms around him, pulling him closer to your body like you were both one is the last straw for me.

I have to get out as I find breathing unbearable, the air keeping me alive stifling.

I walk briskly not knowing in what direction, just with the thought that I have to get out before the chinks in my armour crack even more and explode wide open.

I bang into something firm but warm, long arms catching me before I fall back. I look up and drown in emeralds, concern and worry shining from the depths.

"Quatre?"

Oh god no. My second mistake. Is this night so full of cruelty that I must endure the suffering and pain of all the wrongs I have done in my life?

What was next? Then on cue it appeared.

Wufei.

"Is everything alright?"

I push myself out of my ex-lover's arms and use what little strength I have left to control this urge to be sick everywhere with wilful determination.

"I'm feeling a little queasy; it must have been something I have eaten."

I ignore the silent communication they both share and quell the envy surfacing within me.

"Maybe you should sit down."

I nod and smile, sitting on the first available seat. The reunion was a shambles and I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this. I expected to have more control over my emotions.

The two people who meant a lot to me had paired off with others and I was left with nothing. All the hope that I carried was dashed away and the pity I felt coming from Wufei was like salt to the wound…stinging pain.

Slow music begins to play and I look up to find Heero dancing with Duo, their bodies moving against each other with sensuous rightness, Heero's hands moving over Duo's like he was silk.

Heero is the tall knight, the dashing handsome hero. His well-toned body encased in clothes that are enhanced by his proud stature. In his arms is the slender lithe male his mate, who is petite in appearance but has deceptive strength and the prowess of a feline.

They look so perfect together…

I quickly look away at the intimate display and Trowa's hand rests on my shoulder lightly. "Are you sure you're alright?"

I can only nod once and smile warmly that he could forgive me after all that I've done to him. "I'm fine, now shoo the both of you, enjoy the dance," my trembling hands waving them away.

Wufei nods with understanding. He knows how much I suffer, he had this thing for Duo once, but because of my mistake, Heero got Duo first.

Complicated…

Very much so.

I watch my ex-lover and Wufei move towards the other couple, both resisting the urge to look back to see if I was all right. I smile to myself but it still doesn't make the pain go away.

I loved no that's a lie, I still love Heero Yuy and I wish that he was mine. I knew that all the money in the world wouldn't make any difference to the handsome man, no, Relena offered him the world and he refused her.

It's the biggest regret of my life and the most painful feeling I have ever felt.

Sighing I stand up giving Heero one more longing look before I turn to go. I have a business to attend to and I will be meeting with Zechs tomorrow. Interesting character and very good looking.

I force all other thoughts from me and concentrate on what I need to do. Peace has been maintained but there is still more work to be done, and like Relena I will fight tooth and nail to keep it, we all will.

I drown my head with these thoughts, the only thing reminding me of my regret was the constant ache in my heart each time it beat against my chest…keeping me alive…

_I regret 'thump'_

_I love 'thump'_

_I hurt 'thump'_

_I wish… 'miss a heart beat'_

_I was empty… 'thump pain'_

Owari.


End file.
